June 8
In the morning I went to get coffee at the cafe down the street. I was there at 6am. It wasn’t hot yet. It was only me, and locals. I didn’t belong there. I just ended up getting the coffee – nothing else. I wasn’t hungry.
I just walked around for awhile. I saw Muffin and her tramily. Muffin and another guy both had foot injuries and they were going to Bishop too. I went to breakfast with their group and then they said goodbye to the tramily as they were staying in town longer to see a doctor and would likely not catch back up again.
We hitched a ride together and it took less than 1 minute for someone to pull over. A woman named Barbara drove us all the way from lone pine to Bishop. She had to stop at her house on the way though. She had a burned out van in her front lawn and a bunch of peace signs and glass sculptures hanging from the trusses of the roof.
I got a cheap motel room and it was really hot out so I hung out by the pool. There was a birds nest and random feathers at the bottom of the pool so I didn’t go in. I couldn’t just sit by the pool and relax. I was so restless, so agitated. I’m back to this place where I can’t just sit still. I can’t relax. I’m always thinking about and stressing about “work”. The miles. Making progress. Being productive. I hate this. This mentality is bringing me back to such a horrible place where I lived for 10 years working in banking. I don’t ever want to be there again. I am worth more than my output. I am worthy of love and having my basic human needs met even if I am not making dividends for shareholders. I am accomplished even if I am not making progress on the trail.
I had gotten a room with two queen beds in the event that other hikers wanted to share. I offered up my room to some other hikers and then immediately regretted it but too late – they said yes. I want to be alone. But I don’t. But I do.
I can’t just sit around. I went back to researching shoes and trying to figure out the logistics of seeing a doctor, getting a rental car. Its Sunday so nothing is open except the gear shop. I liked the arch support in the Merrell boots and how wide they were, the high heel drop, but the bottom was way too stiff and they were way too hot as they were waterproof shoes. But Merrell had a similar model in a trail runner. Available in a women’s 9 wide, 11mm heel drop, high arches, not waterproof, more flexible sole. Could those work? How many pairs of freaking shoes can I possibly go through? I can return the boots to REI though.
The gear shop in town, Eastside Sports, had the shoes but only in a men’s size. I’ll at least go check them out. They were really friendly and I asked if I could order the shoes from them but they told me that honestly it would be faster to just order directly from Merell. I appreciated that even though I was trying to support their business.
I ordered the shoes online and had them sent to the motel, praying to the shoe gods to please let this work. I reserved a rental car for tomorrow – I can’t just sit around here. I need to go somewhere.
I felt really upset. My feet were so bad. I felt abandoned. Is my time on the trail over? I feel powerless. Maybe tomorrow will have answers.
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