June 7
Listening to: RIZA – Ya Se Va Se Va
I wasn’t in a rush to get up this morning because I was only going to hike down to the campground and try to find a ride into Lone Pine.
A pack of coyotes were howling somewhere close to our tent sites around 5/6am but they kept going further away. I wasn’t scared, which was a first.
Michelle and I left our bear cans 70 paces away from our tents and she hung a bear bag for her extra food. This was the first night all of my food and toiletries fit in my bear can. Ironically the night before leaving the trail.
I felt better about things today. Running into Michelle yesterday really made my whole day, and was maybe the highlight of my whole week.
I walked down the trail off the PCT to Cottonwood campground. It was all downhill. I was in my own world thinking about the events of the last two days, replaying everything over and over and over, ruminating about what I was going to do.
I passed some hikers who looked to be section hikers. Their backpacks were so clean, their clothes without holes and stains. No PCT hangtags. I didn’t see them standing there until I was almost right in front of them. Technically I should have given them the right of way since they were going uphill but I didn’t see them. I just said hi and passed. Unfriendly, rude PCT hiker. In her own world.
I walked through what I can only really describe as a sand meadow – the snowy peaks of the Sierra mountains poking up in the distance. I came to a river where some day hikers were taking pictures and jumping back and forth across the river. I hobbled across, my ankle hurting to bear weight. Nothing I can do now. I must have looked horrible. They stared and just watched me pass.
I came to the parking lot and came across Keegan and Faith, who I had met at Kennedy Meadows and then again in the meadow a few days earlier. They were getting a ride from Faith’s parents and asked if I wanted a ride to Lone Pine. Yes please! But then Kurt, a “trail angel”* came by and we all decided to get a ride with him instead. Mike, Four Fingers, Brian etc ended up all getting in the car as well and we rode down to Lone Pine together.
Mono was waiting for the shuttle as well but we met up in Lone Pine when I got there and went for smoothies. After Mono left to catch the shuttle, I went to the gear shop which had an outdoor area for hikers with electric plugs, a hiker box and space to leave backpacks. I wanted to go to Bishop but it was a Sunday and there was only 1 bus at to Bishop. The hotels in bishop were a lot more expensive as well. I saw Marc and he told me he was staying at the Dow Villa motel and it was pretty cheap so I decided to stay there as well.
There was no air conditioning, and the room looked out over the mountains, but also the loud bar across the street. I washed my clothes in the sink and took a shower, and took a nap. I have a lot I need to figure out but I feel too overwhelmed right now. I’ll deal with logistical related things tomorrow.
When I woke up, I went to the market and bought a giant beer, Gatorade, watermelon, and salad for dinner. I’m so tired of trail food. I’m so tired of town food. I’m so tired of food in general. I don’t really want to eat anything, but I guess I’ll eat these things.
My feet are a mess, I’m kicking myself for bailing on the mountain. Was Forrester Pass actually as scary as people made it out to be? Did I just psych myself out way too much? But hiking that alone was still not possible. I probably did the right thing, but it still feels so bad.
I have this feeling again that I don’t want to be here. In town. But I didn’t want to be on the trail. In pain. Do I want to be anywhere? I don’t want to go home. I don’t know where I want to be at all. I don’t know what I want. I feel so restless, so anxious. I turn on the TV but it’s all trash. Advertisements for such explicitly specific medications, it feels like it should be illegal to target stupid people like this, food commercials for American garbage – pop tart flavored ice cream – disgusting, commercials for things that are completely unnecessary and lazy. No, I don’t want to go back to that world at all. I don’t belong there. I don’t want to be in this cheap motel either. I want to go to sleep. And be done with this day.
*trail angels are supposed to be angels, as in, not charging money for their services. Kurt was not an angel, but rather, an unlicensed business catering to hikers.
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