August 9
Miles: 10.9
Mile Markers: 2089.8 – 2100 (Timberline Lodge)
Miles to Canada: 555.8
Listening to: Hazlett – Bones Shake
This morning we were on the trail again by 6am with only 10 miles to Timberline Lodge, where we’d get to have an amazing lunch, charge our stuff and maybe even take a shower.
My right calf is a little sore, probably from hiking faster, but I feel like it’s easier to hike a lot more miles when you’re hiking with really fun and encouraging people. I barely know these people, but I don’t have this sense of anxiety that they’ll go on without me. I feel accepted by them, I feel uplifted by them, I feel like I belong.
This morning when we were waiting for everyone to get finished packing up, Warpaint was talking about Dynamite, who is another hiker in the trail family whose husband owns a ski shop in Lake Tahoe, and they want to go on a family ski trip reunion sometime and that I was invited because I was part of the trail fam now. It feels really nice to be included in this group and it’s making hiking a lot more fun. I’ve really enjoyed Oregon. It really does feel like things have fallen in place for me on the trail and I’m looking forward to just enjoying the last bit of it.
There’s been a lot of southbound section hikers and I usually try to talk to the people on the trail. I’ll ask if people are SOBOs and I’ve noticed that a lot of the section hikers will say something like oh no, I’m only a section hiker. I’m just section hiking, as if it wasn’t an accomplishment on its own. So I always try to act really excited like That’s amazing! That’s a huge accomplishment because they should feel the way that we feel when we reach a big milestone. They should feel like people are impressed.
It doesn’t matter how many miles you walk out here. It doesn’t matter if you skip sections, or if you “cheat”. You hike, you got yourself here, you took the chance on yourself to try something incredible whether it’s 200 miles or 2,000. HIKE YOUR OWN HIKE.
We set out this morning, and I felt like I was hiking faster. It’s easier to hike faster when someone else is in front of you setting the pace. Today, I kept up with the group much closer than I have previously. I let them all hike in front of me, so I’m always last. But today, I was right behind them for the first 5 miles. Then we stopped for water, and then the trail became pretty steep up to Timberline Lodge and I started lagging behind a bit.
I caught up at a point where there was some trail magic, a cooler full of sodas and they all stopped. Next to the picnic table, there was a pull up bar. We were joking that our upper body strength is so poor now. I pulled myself up and did a flip backwards under the bar – I can still do some aerials! I felt like a child on the playground, just wanting to play. Warpaint said What the fuck was that Amelia?! and I just laughed.
We continued on, just ready to get to the lodge. The last bit of the trail before Mount Hood is uphill, and the trail is sand. It was hot and I started lagging behind a bit. I was listening to music, thinking about the lyrics and playing this song over and over, “lay me down in the woods until I’ve overgrown the things I should“.
I spent the morning hiking by myself and wondering how I ended up in such a relationship with someone who was willing to leave me behind and lie to me that many times, and why I ever allowed that. Why didn’t I just leave? I should have left so many times. But I never did. How could I have done that to myself?
I saw things so clearly in the Sierra, and I made a promise to myself that I would choose myself, that I would protect myself. But I didn’t. I already broke that promise once, and I can’t do it ever again. There are no chances left. There are no excuses left. There’s none of me left that I’m willing to leave behind ever again, for anyone.
I’m not weak. I’m not powerless. I hiked through the Sierra alone. I got back up on the trail a thousand times when I could have quit, I got myself here. I deserve so much better than what I have allowed myself to receive. I deserve kindness, gentleness and true love. From myself, more than anyone.
I forgive myself.
About a mile before the lodge, the trail opens up and you can see the top of Mount Hood. I don’t know why, but just being that close to this mountain, so close to the lodge, which is so close to Washington, I started getting really emotional – purely for my own reasons.
I got here. I walked here. Maybe I didn’t hike every mile of this trail, but I was half paralyzed 6 years ago, and here I am walking over 1,600 miles. I’ve exceeded my wildest dreams. I thought about all the doctors appointments, all the procedures, the medications, all the tests, all the imaging. I won. I triumphed. Every single step on the PCT has, is, and always will be a victory for me.
Everything I went through to get here, to fight to be here, to overcome to make it here – that person is a warrior. Warriors don’t allow anyone to make them feel small, to feel “useless”, to feel incapable. No. Never again.
I came to a clearing and cried tears of joy at the sight of the lodge. I didn’t care that the dayhikers could see me. I didn’t care that I was completely filthy and smelled rancid. I didn’t care to explain myself or why I would be crying in the middle of the trail, or how my journey to this place started so much further back than April 3, 2025. I had to traverse so many more hurdles and obstacles to get here, more than anyone will ever know. But I know.
Of all the times I cried on the trail, which, for me, was a lot, this was the first time it was truly just tears of joy, and not tears mixed with frustration, anger, disappointment, hurt, or betrayal. They were just my own tears of joy, for me, and me alone.
I thought about the letters I wrote to myself months ago, how I thought I would become someone else on this trail. And I did. I am. I became her.
I have overgrown the things I should.
When I got to the lodge, I headed down to pick up my resupply box, which contained my Ursak bag, and I headed to the main lodge and everyone was on the deck and started cheering when I walked up. I waved and blew some kisses, and they blew some back.
Everything with this group is so light, so fun, so playful. It’s exactly what I really needed at this exact place in time. So much of the trail has felt so heavy. I’ve done a lot of soul searching, I’ve processed a lot of old stuff, and now I feel free to be myself, the version of me I’ve wanted to be for so long. Uncomplicated, unserious, unbothered. Just me. Just Amelia.
Warpaint’s dad and sister came out to spend some time with us, and they joined us for the lunch buffet. They were so nice and the whole day was just really fun.
They took Roses and Bap to town to resupply but the rest of us had enough food so we hung out at the lodge letting our stuff charge.
I laid on the floor of the lodge. I’m true hiker trash now. We drank some beers at the lodge and as the afternoon went on, we kept lagging getting back to the trail and the boys kept ordering beers, and then we decided to just stop in to one of the bars around 6pm to get a pizza. The plan that had originally been to hike as many miles as we can. That plan turned into hike 5.6 miles, and then turned into let’s just camp at the top of the junction.
By 7pm, I was getting really tired. I really need the recovery time because I now haven’t taken a zero in 3 weeks and I’m getting exhausted. And if I want to keep up with these guys, I need to rest, so I decided to go up to the top of the hill and scout out campsites.
We now have a group chat, so when I got to the top of the hill, I sent a message that there were plenty of tentsites, and everyone started coming up shortly after.
I had a beer with everybody at the lodge but I don’t really feel that great when I drink, and it’s also the first day of my period and I’m also just exhausted now, so I wasn’t feeling amazing so I decided to set up my tent and go to bed early. Bap and Roses had bought beers and snuck them into everyone’s packs as a surprise. So everyone started drinking their beers but I was too tired so I told them I was going to go to bed and they all kind of intently watched me go back and set up my stuff. They weren’t pressuring me to drink, or stay up. I didn’t feel bad for needing to rest, it felt like they respected it and didn’t try to change my mind, but they were still staring at me.
As I got my stuff out of my pack, at the bottom of my backpack, I found Ferdinand, the snake. They had put him in there at some point during the day. I took a picture with him and sent it in the group chat because I didn’t want to scream and give them the satisfaction of scaring me. I wrote a caption, “Heeeeere’s Ferdie”, a reference to The Shining, which was filmed in part at Timberline Lodge. They started yelling yeahhhhh Ferdie!!! When they saw the message. I was really part of the tramily now.
There was some kind of wedding at the lodge and it was really loud and there were a lot of other hikers up there also really loud. I just put in my headphones and tried to go to sleep. It was a good day. A really good day. One of the best days I’ve had on trail so far.
I’m really grateful I decided to hike the extra 7 miles the other day. Maybe it was fate. Maybe the trail was providing. All I know is that hiking with my new little tramily has been the furthest possible thing from miserable.
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