September 2
Miles: 5.1
Mile Markers: 2574.9 – 2580.1
Miles to Canada: 75.7
Listening to: Thievery Corporation – Saudade
In the morning, I packed up my tent and got coffee on the deck. I had breakfast with Polka Dot and Mr Emoji, charged my stuff and said goodbyes. I realized that my bus reservation had always been for today at 11:30 despite changing it a number of times. I saw the bus driver and he asked if I still wanted to take the bus today and I told him that my reservation was for today the whole time and he just laughed.
Before the ferry (and free Starlink WiFi) left the dock, I was trying to pay my water bill online, and was using my phone and had my headphones in, the universal sign for leave me alone. An older man staying at the resort came over and started talking at me. I found myself nodding and going mmhmmm. He’d say something and then pause, and make a face, like in anticipation, expecting me to respond. It started pissing me off. I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it, but I found myself angry, that as a woman, this man felt this entitlement to my time and energy, even if it wasn’t malicious. I decided to just stop cooperating, stop following this unspoken demand of my participation in this conversation I didn’t consent to. I stopped nodding my head and saying mmmhmm, and just kind of stared at the man as he was talking about whatever it was he was talking at me about. He eventually got bored talking to me and left. Success. I’m done expending so much energy making everyone around me so comfortable, at the detriment of my own comfort. I’m not doing that for anyone anymore.
There was a mug in the airbnb in Leavenworth that some guest had left. It said, “She said fuck that shit and lived happily ever after”. That mug is my spirit animal today.
I took the 11:30 bus with Marmot, Mr Emoji, the other Warpaint, and Delicate Flower back to the trail. We stopped at the bakery on the way, and I got a sandwich and a cinnamon bun.
It was extremely hot when we arrived back at the trail. I went down to the river to soak my sun hoodie and debated about whether to hang out there and siesta, or get going. Most people headed straight back to the trail, but Marmot and Mr Emoji were lagging behind a bit. I went down to the river with Marmot and they said goodbye, and that it was really nice to have met me. I only met Marmot briefly at Trail Days and then again the last two days, but this goodbye felt like one of the worst goodbyes I had ever said on trail. It felt like the real first goodbye I had to say to anyone. Usually, you just say goodbye to people and say “see you down the trail”. But there’s not much trail left now, and I’m hiking so slowly, there’s no way I’ll ever catch up to anyone now. This goodbye just felt so real, too real, for the first time.
Mr Emoji was dragging his feet too, he was hungover and seemed pretty sad about finishing the trail. He tried to get me to hike the trail but I opted for the road alternate. There was less incline even though it was the same distance and ran parallel to the trail. My hip really hurts, to the point that I’m wondering if this is even a good idea to hike at all. I’ll take any easier section that I can. We said goodbye, and I didn’t expect to see him again. Another sad goodbye.
I started walking down the parallel road. It was so freaking hot that once I met back up with the PCT, I just sat on the side of the trail just before a water source, trying to get the motivation to keep walking. Mr Emoji appeared shortly after, somehow he had hiked even slower than me and was behind me. I thought I’d never see him again and it was a really nice surprise to see him once more.
I was just sitting there and struggling and he said, “Get up, let’s go”. We hiked to the water source, and I dunked my shirt again and we sat for awhile by the water chatting. He told me that he hoped I didn’t think all British people were mean. I don’t. For the second time, I saw some horses on the trail and a few more rangers who must have been working and living at one of the campgrounds up the trail. They passed by and just said hello, and kept moving.
There was another parallel road next to the trail and I told Mr Emoji that I was going to take that alternate since it was less steep than the trail. He tried to get me to hike the trail with him, but my leg still hurt. He hiked ahead and stopped at the junction to the road, and waited for me before we said goodbye. Again. Another sad goodbye. I probably wouldn’t ever see him again.
Shortly after the alternate road met back up with the PCT, I saw Mr Emoji maybe 20 feet ahead on the trail. I yelled hi and he turned around. We laughed about how difficult this was to keep saying goodbye. When we finally reached the first campground next to a river where I was planning on camping, we said goodbye for the third time. I tried to get him to stay and camp with me, Polka Dot and Bodybag, but he wanted to catch up with some of the other people he had been hiking with and was planning on hiking 5 more miles. We said goodbye one more time, and this would probably be the last time I’d ever see him again. It felt terrible.
There were only two tents set up at the campsite, but I didn’t see anyone in the tents, or hanging out anywhere nearby. I sat in the river to ice my hip but the water was too cold to stay long. I set up tent, filled my CNOC, and napped until 7pm when everyone else showed up, including Happy Feet.
The campground was extremely quiet despite how many people camped there. It felt heavy, like the gravity of the trail ending was hitting everyone finally.
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